Time flies..

I sit here the night before Thanksgiving thinking of one thing - my dad. I miss him more than I could have ever imagined. He was all about the holidays. I keep thinking about the calls each year where he would ask what I got to pig out on or the times when we got to enjoy a Thanksgiving meal together. I am still in disbelief that he is gone. The thought of me never getting to talk to him brings tears to my eyes almost immediately. This is the time of year that should bring so much joy and happiness but I am just numb. I should look forward to spending the day enjoying great food with family and being thankful for what I have but I'm actually not looking forward to doing so. He's been gone almost 3 months and the pain is as strong as it was that morning I got the phone call that he was gone. It sucks. 

I am glad to have 4 days off work, though. We have my in-law's dinner and my family's later on tomorrow. Then the husband and I plan to do some black friday shopping. Hopefully this helps keep my mind off the crappy part of the holiday. I can't believe it's Olivia's second Thanksgiving. It seems like she was just born yesterday. She's so beautiful and smart; she has come a long way. I recently had a devastating thing happen in my life (other than my father's passing) and she truly has been the reason I make it through each day. When I am dealing with a hardship, just a smile from her can lift me up to the clouds. Even though I get a break from work, I still have class work. 

I don't know how I have held a full-time job, plus be a full-time student, and juggle my family on top of it all. People say I'm a strong woman, I guess after I think about everything I have been through the past couple of months and didn't go absolutely insane...I can agree! I have been through more than the average 24 year old. I am debating on whether to continue with school and do nursing or to just focus on my life at present until Liv gets older. I love my job, just want to climb a little higher, however it is getting hard to juggle so much at one time. Who knows what I will decide. Anything is possible, I guess. Right now, I just hope to make it through the holidays. Christmas is going to be a hard one. I usually put our Christmas tree up Thanksgiving weekend, not sure if I will feel up to it this year. Hmmm..